Gossip Girl Season 4

Excuse me. I know it’s been a while, I’ve had what I actually don’t mind calling ‘writer’s block’, the external kind. The kind that’s most annoying, like “Why am I sitting in this room with this girl, she’s like quite literally staring at my back (and sometimes at my front) and it’s truly annoying being stalked by the present past who is, like, staring at my back (did I say that?okay).” Once I beat that with the classic (figurative),”You can’t sit with us!”, it was cool. So hey, the snob is back.

Also, I was writing about something-you’ll see later- when it mysteriously didn’t get published. That pissed me the fuck off, I had posting trauma for like, two days! Scary stuff, putting in so much effort just for shit to get deleted. Anyway I’m sick of writing about how the internet has been BETRAYING me (http://cigaretteincense.blogspot.com) so I’ll stop.

Ooh yesterday, my friend (who’s in he city for a month) and I texted about fashion and clothing and shoes and accessories and other girl stuff almost the whole fucking day! If you read my post about Spring you must know that this friend is actually a PERSON and not a season. Moving right along, I forgot that I could do that! Seriously, it’s fun. it’s like smoking an exclusive girl power/fashion joint! It’s a little evil army of terror candy-coated in prettiness, giggles and ‘oh my gosh, you won’t believe!’. Speaking of things that you oh my gosh won’t believe . . . Of course you won’t, because that kind of conversation is exclusive,duh! What you should know are that those things make us fucking crazy! The official, diagnosed kind, not that anyone ever notices. OCD and paranoia do just fine in society, hence the show Gossip Girl, oh and our lovely friends HELP us become crazy by letting us know we aren’t crazy,”Oh my gosh, I totally understand!”. It’s ironic, but it works. It’s something that makes us high maintenance, fast talking, fast thinking, bitch slapping Queen B’s instead of the doormat, do everything that you say,’does my ass look fat in this?’,walk all over me, annoying girls that guys with low self esteem like. See? Good. My best friend’s head is full of secrets and it’s inflating, she gets to minimize when she tells me though. See what I mean?

Welcome To My Clique, Spring!

I’ve kept you waiting haven’t I? Well so has Spring.

Spring is the girl who joins my clique every year, she goes on international vacations and sends me photos through Lookbook.nu, Fashion TV . . . pretty much everywhere. I just sit back in awe, letting her be her socialite self until she comes to my city and joins my clique.

She’s always welcome. This year, and for a while now, she’s been rocking up with her closet full of European fashion trends- pastel colours, tribal patterns, bold brights and new hemlines, except this time she’s totally wearing sheer and cut-outs everywhere, has these new platform cut-out wedges and ‘oh my gosh’ she’s totally making tailored the new sexy. Forget mini-skirts and what not, she’s wearing her  fancy lingerie under her sheer mid-calf length dress. Basically she’s almost naked but she’s making it classy. No bandage dress,no platform stilettos, no obvious, obnoxious display of trashy sexuality, she wants you to read between the lines. Bright, candy-coloured nail polish? She doesn’t really care, you can feel any way/colour in Spring.

Don’t forget she’s a total social butterfly, she’ll be a reggae-loving hippy and a hardcore punk in one day, she’ll headbang, skank and boogie or sway when the time is right. She might be hung over  and cranky in the heat of the morning, but her iced (alcohol infused) coffee or tea will snap her back to bubbly BFF. She dresses up to everywhere because everyday is a fashion show and you only live once, at least show off that style and hot bod while you’re willing to (while you CAN is a different fat and desperate story, she’s not planning to get fat).

Speaking of hot bods and not ever getting fat- this chick is fucking serious when it comes to the art of ‘show off’. First of all, she doesn’t ‘show off’ anything that’s fat, undertoned or unshaved or un-exfoliated. While she’s in Europe and the US, I  tone, starve (haha yeah right) and groom like a completely self-obsessed Moor- as in dipilitating pretty much everyday, exfoliating pretty much everyday and getting used to leaves, light pastas and sparkling wines or vodka as meals. They’ll be lots of hang outs where these things are staple ‘foods’ and she’ll let us keep our fuck off/fuck that/hung over attitude while still being a great person to have in company.

Man! I love Spring! Totally high maintenance, totally stylish, totally frank, social and bubbly and obviously hot as fuck. Higher your standards everyone- My Spring betch is here!!!

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