The Snob’s New Year’s Resolutions!

okay, first of all, how retarded is that phrase ‘New Year’s Resolutions’? Not ‘solutions’, ‘resolutions’. Strange, like oh again! Anyway, here are mine. Keep in mind, I’m like, talking to myself.

1. Work out, you lazy bitch! No seriously, working out is fun and the rewards are a hottter body so why the fuck aren’t you doing it? Huh?

2. Bottles are nice unless they’re filled with emotions. Stop it!

3. Stop wearing that gorgeous blazer with EVERY outfit, duh.

4. Wear those oxblood-red shoes, scared bitch!

5. Dance more, boring picky bitch!

6. Write more, uninspired bitch!

7. Don’t allow people to waste even a second of your lovely time, I mean really.

8. Shut up sometimes. (I’m a straightforward person, waiting for someone to get to the point simply bores me and then I’ll have another point and I realise they haven’t yet made a point, if I can do it so can you, but hey. Maybe I have to wait, yawn . . . Yay, let’s be positive)

9. Wear what you want to wear, it’s my body and my clothes not OURS!

10. Tame your criticism. It’s that getting to the point thing, I don’t like going around the bush and that pisses people off, weirdly enough. People like the cushioned blow which means you have to speak to everyone like they are pussy little girls with no self esteem and analyse everything you say, so “That top isn’t very flattering” has to turn into “Oh, the last time I saw you, you were wearing this pretty top, that style really looks good on you. And I love your pants!”- I don’t even think that bush is big enough for some people. Perhaps they should just accept that I’ll tell them straight.

11. Expand my blogger network. Bloggers can be so shy, I don’t know what it will take.

12. Love love love.

13. Make stuff. (more stuff)

14. Lookbook-my lookbook is gathering dust, so sad.

15. Take more photos.

16. Indulge in fashion like a squirrel with nuts!!!!!

I would say ‘stop bitching’ but usually when I bitch about something, it’s because that something needs to be bitched about so excuse me. Either way, I hope everyone has had a great year or at least an adventurous one filled with real shit because that’s what happens.

xoxo. The Snob.

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Welcome To My Clique, Spring!

I’ve kept you waiting haven’t I? Well so has Spring.

Spring is the girl who joins my clique every year, she goes on international vacations and sends me photos through Lookbook.nu, Fashion TV . . . pretty much everywhere. I just sit back in awe, letting her be her socialite self until she comes to my city and joins my clique.

She’s always welcome. This year, and for a while now, she’s been rocking up with her closet full of European fashion trends- pastel colours, tribal patterns, bold brights and new hemlines, except this time she’s totally wearing sheer and cut-outs everywhere, has these new platform cut-out wedges and ‘oh my gosh’ she’s totally making tailored the new sexy. Forget mini-skirts and what not, she’s wearing her  fancy lingerie under her sheer mid-calf length dress. Basically she’s almost naked but she’s making it classy. No bandage dress,no platform stilettos, no obvious, obnoxious display of trashy sexuality, she wants you to read between the lines. Bright, candy-coloured nail polish? She doesn’t really care, you can feel any way/colour in Spring.

Don’t forget she’s a total social butterfly, she’ll be a reggae-loving hippy and a hardcore punk in one day, she’ll headbang, skank and boogie or sway when the time is right. She might be hung over  and cranky in the heat of the morning, but her iced (alcohol infused) coffee or tea will snap her back to bubbly BFF. She dresses up to everywhere because everyday is a fashion show and you only live once, at least show off that style and hot bod while you’re willing to (while you CAN is a different fat and desperate story, she’s not planning to get fat).

Speaking of hot bods and not ever getting fat- this chick is fucking serious when it comes to the art of ‘show off’. First of all, she doesn’t ‘show off’ anything that’s fat, undertoned or unshaved or un-exfoliated. While she’s in Europe and the US, I  tone, starve (haha yeah right) and groom like a completely self-obsessed Moor- as in dipilitating pretty much everyday, exfoliating pretty much everyday and getting used to leaves, light pastas and sparkling wines or vodka as meals. They’ll be lots of hang outs where these things are staple ‘foods’ and she’ll let us keep our fuck off/fuck that/hung over attitude while still being a great person to have in company.

Man! I love Spring! Totally high maintenance, totally stylish, totally frank, social and bubbly and obviously hot as fuck. Higher your standards everyone- My Spring betch is here!!!

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