GIRLS – The show that is . . . (Part 1)

This post a little overdue.

Since I had a Marlboro smoking-vodka ‘tossing’ psychotic and very pleasing marathon of Sex and the City, which if you’re older than 30 or in that age group (not much younger), you’d call ‘reruns’. Thing is Sex and the City is an old show, a sort of pioneer for all the chick-related smack that’s on Television now, and when most of that shit played I was busy thinking boys were the equivalent of frogs (gross), doing jungle gym tournaments and moulding play-dough. Basically I was a fucking kid, I was probably still discovering make up when Season 4 aired. All of that mentioned though, I watched Sex and the City to kinda kill time while waiting for the first episode of the last season of Gossip Girl. ( I know that was a twisted line, but it’s the fucking full eclipse of the experience and scripts of the above-mentioned shows.) Urgh gosh, and weirdly enough, I’m starting to find my obsession with Gossip Girl a little annoying, I don’t know if it’s because the edge is wearing off or it’s just a pain in the rectum to watch it weekly!

Anyway . . .

This post is NOT about Sex and the City ( or Gossip Girl,damn!) though, that one is still coming. This is about ‘Girls’.

Seriously, like ‘what the fuck?’. The show is based in New York, Brooklyn to be exact and weirdly enough I couldn’t help slipping into London while the brown-boot-wearing main character walked around this dull seeming fucking place. Honestly, there are a lot of shows based in New York but in Girl’s it’s almost like  . . . Like it could be anywhere actually. Mass appeal much? You don’t really get that buzzing busy city vibe from GIRLS in NEW YORK CITY,hullo! Okay, it’s probably because it’s like NYU arty farty sorts and not the Ivy League bitches that I’m used to. Either way, I think the point in that is to focus on the not so simple lives of the characters . . . Hmmm, no actually, why’d they have to make New York SO SO dull?

With all that said, I still watched the WHOLE first season because for one, it’s a different take on New York women/girls. They seem normal, I have no idea what being normal is like, no really. To me, the mental state of a normal person matches that of Serena and Blair, perfectly fucking normal. I got a punch to the stomach when the main character introduced wasn’t the usual brand of ‘actress skinny and gorgeous’ (there’s a huge difference between actress skinny and model skinny, no one wants to see model skinny move around and wait ’til her skin falls down to her feet when she raises her arms), it’s a great thing though to change what people are used to seeing. Also the show doesn’t stray from the bullshit. Like in that first scene, Hannah’s parents want to cut her off financially, that news to a graduate who doesn’t have a job yet stings, but her mom says, “No you have an internship that you SAY is going to turn into a job”. Right, because that just happens to every single fucking intern on the planet. I think her mom was like ‘Ahaha I know that fake job trick, you’re working your ass off aren’t ya?’, but she’s right, like what are you doing working an internship two years AFTER you graduate? Then again her mom isn’t exactly rational, she thinks rent, insurance and cell phone bills add up to a “groovy lifestyle”.

Hannah’s fuck buddy . . . He is a weirdo, the strange voice, the very jerky things that come out of his mouth contrasted with him being all meaningful and understanding and shit. I don’t know of anyone who tries to continue having a conversation while making out or doing foreplay AND while having sex like Hannah does. You’d think this jerky guy would be like,”Shut up!”. Yeah it’s cute, funny and necessary when Charlotte from Sex and The City does it because she gets straight to the point, it’s like ‘Ah Charlotte, you manipulating prep’. What I like about how those scenes are directed is that they have that natural interrupting each other/trying to finish a sentence  in PERFECT IMPERFECT timing.

And then her FUN friend, comes from Paris with an English accent and seems to be on some serious downers. She’s around to cause some trouble and to live with her coke-seemingly-high cousin who speaks like how a chipmunk or meerkat or any quick moving creature would speak. You might even miss her saying “Your skin is humpingly beautiful” as if you’d ever miss that comment. Then that party they threw for downer Brit which Hannah was late for because she was “having gross sex with that animal”. Miss Downer only rocks up 2 hours later and everyone’s having some conversation about working at McDonald’s. That dude with the bug-eyed girlfriend and thinks McDonald’s is a great place to work also makes opium tea that tastes like twigs, like really? Twigs, can’t you make it taste better than twigs? And then Hannah thinks ‘oh my gosh,perfect time to go visit my folks’ and rocks up in their hotel room high as fuck after explaining to them eariler “I could be a drug addict, do you realise how lucky you are?”.  In her flustered state, she asks her folks to read her draft novel and then falls to the ground like an Amazon tree while her parents argue above her. Meanwhile Miss Downer is mockingly squeaking ‘my best friend’ at Hannah’s ‘best friend’. You’ve got to love how Miss Downer does a spoilt brat American accent, it’s brilliant! Oh and then she just breaks the news that she’s preggers, did I mention that this whole conversation took place in the bathroom with Miss Downer sitting on the toilet seat for a very very long time? Like, was she taking a crap? Who has a conversation with someone while shitting? Okay then . . .

First episode ends with Hannah waking up in her parent’s hotel room not being able to order from room service. After her fantastic druggie performance the night before, her parents probably realised that they are not that lucky and she is in fact living a ‘groovy lifestyle’. So she gets up, steals the tip and walks the streets of the apparent New York City. I just figured that I need to do posts about Girls in segments. It’s really the weirdest social dynamic I’ve seen, it’s uncomfortable and funny when it’s probably not meant to be. It’s Sex and the City for the nerdy and chubby and it’s completely hit the spot. If you haven’t already devoured Season 1 then you’re totally missing out. I suggest you check out the show before you’re only one who doesn’t know how to throw an ‘abortion’ party.

xx. The Snob

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Wasted Youth?

Back to . . . Some kind of reality, I guess. As in the weird party scene.

You see after over-dressing to literally every place you go to, and then finally having a party where everyone else made an effort, there are the masses that unfortunately a snob has to face. Places which I won’t mention by the way. Every time I go there I get the “She doesn’t even go here” look , and I know better than to open my mouth very often unless spoken to because my lack of brain-to-mouth-filter will ask “Are you the before?”. Yes it’s sad, people wear their trainers out, as in like, running shoes. You know it’s cool if you’re going  to run home, run home! walk home but people do that in New York wearing Christian Louboutins or at least dressy Dorothy Perkins pumps. And not only are there the bouncers NOT asking a few delinquents “Isn’t it past your curfew?” but there are  mothers and fathers of college students who might just bump into their kids making out and fondling outside the bathroom, after they themselves have also just been making out and fondling on the dance floor with someone’s lecturer (and decided to take it to the bathroom). Oh the awkwardness joy!

Oh my gosh! Is that an alcohol bracelet on your ankle? I wonder what your parole officer would have to say about your being here, stumbling over the table to get yet ANOTHER drink (. . . And a shot), tripping on your shoe-lace, spilling your drink on someone’s ugly outfit and going back to the bar to get another drink ( . . .  And ANOTHER shot). Whew! You should probably call Lindsay Lohan to tell her you’re ‘totally rebelling’ and so excited to throw up on the girl you’re taking home tonight! Great. Even though I was so keen to keep my mouth shut, I can’t help but want to tell you that TMZ.com is not a lifestyle channel, really, it isn’t. No really REALLY! IT ISN’T!

This mugshot is found from http://www.perezhil...

This mugshot is found from http://www.perezhilton.com, and the original is from the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department. All mugshots from there are released into in the public domain.http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:Meegs&diff=prev&oldid=108863911 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There just HAPPENS to be art galleries down the road from some of these places, which obviously brings the surprisingly under-dressed art crowd. I don’t get it, some individuals in this crowd are known in Europe and might become amazingly successful globally pretty damn soon and yet they have the tendency to ALWAYS fit in with the hoboes. Come on, it must be embarrassing for someone to say “Sorry I don’t have change” when you’re near them. That must make it weird if you ever ask for change, for like, a cigarette vending machine or something.

Seeing a girl or guy who is also over-dressed and confused without their significant other is also a sad story. Like, unless you work for some charity organization and tonight your duty is to offer or allow for a charity shag then sorry to tell you, but the best you can do is to video-tape people who can’t dance and make a hit youtube video out of it. Otherwise, you can find your NBF (New Best Friend) in a gay guy because half the chicks here are wearing stripes AND polka-dot and/or orange or their friend’s clothes or some really shit ill-fitting vintage (from the 80’s). Deeper in the suburbs you can literally shout “Ashley! Bradley! Morgan! Jade! Blake! Jesse! Taylor! or Kyle!” and any guy or girl will look straight at you and reply “Hey?”. These apparently unisex or common names . . . Actually don’t surprise me.

Township music is fucking over! I can’t stress this more! Stop trying to make fetch township music happen! And the 80’s left us about  32 ago, and that commercial house is disgusting and the cheesy songs from television ads only remind us of toothpaste or the specials at the garage and why does every big party have to be a drum & bass or dubstep gathering with junkies and jail bait spilling drinks on each other and hiding their crack bong or needle set in their hoodies? WHY?

 

I’m not exactly complaining, this ‘scene’ gives me lots to write about, it’s a cultural thing right? I totally (almost) understand why you pregamed on the side of the road, waiting for your ‘First 100 in’ free shots and shit, and I guess you might need your chemical fix due to your lack of personality outside of the ‘group’. Get rowdy! Party! Just know, if I get overly fascinated, I’ll be there taking pictures, documenting your hoodie-trainer-neon-coloured-80’s vintage-shit talking-screaming-drug induced personalities (maybe even a video). There are cool people amongst you, just please don’t spill your drink on my white chiffon!

xoxo.

The Snob!

Andrew Mons for Augustine

When I received the invite for the launch of a new Male Muse and range for Augustine (ANDREW MONS for AUGUSTINE – [Save the Date]), I took it seriously. Very very fucking seriously.

I remember when it was my dear friend Jerome (Homme Jerome for Augustine), I was as proud as a Doberman mom hearing her puppy growl for the first time! Like ” Wow, look at you 🙂 “. It was a party well hosted, with mostly well-dressed and well-mannered entertaining individuals. So this time, I freaked out completely (the excited,ecstatic kind), planning my outfit, scanning Style.com for tiny little white dresses, in fact I was sure as hell that I’d rock up in a little white dress and pastel accessories until the dress I made was too short and became a top instead. After a whole month, yes MONTH, of planning , ‘saving the date’ as if it were a birth control appointment, playing dress up the night before, laying items on the bed during my pregame with my boyfriend (the one person who knows that if I’m planning an outfit a month before an event, it’s something we’re definitely going to), the day had finally come! I settled on an outfit that had nothing to do white and went all Isabel Marant (brown suede shorts) meets Balmain (some type of embroided sheer navy blue waistcoat and a black cropped blazer with gold buttons). One thing you MUST know is that this outfit probably wouldn’t hang anywhere else,with envious eyes of bitches who don’t give a shit to work out but give a shit to comment on someone that does and shows off  her hard work, this was another kind of crowd. Appreciative,I guess and I was proud of myself when the comments were along the lines of “I love your top, it’s so risqué”, which was exactly what I was going for.

Now for the muse and the range! Oh wait, did I mention the drinks buffet? Snob’s favourite, I don’t know if there was any other buffet but it wouldn’t have interested me or anyone else,pfft.

pastels and prints= win!

If you missed the patterned belt loops you probably weren’t invited.

Love the trimming on those shorts and the fabric of the shirt was very un-golf-shirty which is great.

Hiding the tattoos under a shirt that night, I see.

Should I continue saying anything? I will, obviously. We met Andrew pretty late in the night but the few hours spent talking to this colourful individual were definitely notable. He had a more serious toned conversation with my boyfriend than with me and the crowd – being able to make that switch between bitchy, funny, intelligent and laid back to level-headed business creative is a freaking desirable social skill. We did however have a conversation about the stresses of blogging, shit isn’t easy (I’ve been writing for 4+hours). By the way, those dungarees- I know it’s a menswear range but I could really see myself wearing them with my heeled oxfords, a sheer blouse and a bib necklace!

Okay, honestly I know the photos I took aren’t of the best quality. I had to choose between my handbag and my Nikon DSLR which are the SAME SIZE, that and trying to hold a drink and a cigarette and trying to take a photo with that beast, so naturally I chose my handbag and cigarette (and unfortunately not-so-great photos). Anyway, I have photos of the lovely snobs I met :), you know that if I remember your name after a half day hangover which I slept off and had iced-teas for the rest of the day, then you’re really mighty cool. So big shout outs to my fellow snobs: Leeroy Duke-dressed in Andrew Mons, Lisa- girl is beyond crazy, Gareth- I still remember your hair, Justine- owner of the shop and I realised she changed her hair colour and she has such a lovely speaking voice, Justin-the blondie who had Jerome’s lighter (gotcha), Jason and Shelly-cute cute cute cute cute! And of course Andrew Mons.

Jerome and Justine looking dashing at the Homme Jerome launch.

Abso-fucking-lutely

Jerome and I.

I’ve given up on my captions for now because my laptop is acting ghetto, but our little party got swarmed for a while, and somewhere in those photos are the betchiest, most fabulous people I met and my lovely fiance. Also, I apologise for anyone in these photos who does not look gorgeous, because you obviously are (if your name is listed). I can’t leave you with that, can I? No fucking way, here’s my favourite campaign picture . . .

Fucking Brilliant!

And a video. Your Personal Style Bitches!